Terrible Twerk Fails [Video]

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It’s FRIDAY which means all the ladies will be dipping themselves into coochie cutters and headin’ to the club to get dey TWERK on.

Let’s just hope THESE chicks are there cuz I really love to mix my Goose with a huge shot of HILARITY!!!

Terrible Twerker number one is…at least…smart enough not to show her FACE — however this may prove problematic for the paramedics dispatched to treat this woman’s SEIZURE!

The light pink cotton shorts do NOTHING to enhance the lily white pastiness of ya girl’s skin.  From there, it just goes downhill FAST.  Watch as she begins her “routine” with a series of “step touches” a la 1990’s AEROBICS.  Essentially, all the girl does is SQUATS while BOUNCING.  At one point she bends over but…the moves remain the same.  Her extreme lack of BOOTY MEAT is illuminated when she begins BREAKING IT DOWN like a football player in practice!!!???  Continuing with the athletic conditioning theme, standing KNEE LIFTS are then incorporated into her “Twerking.”  At one point, the poor child does a HANDSTAND against the door of her dorm room and, honestly, just looks like a gopher who just can’t quite fit down his hole.  Relief comes when she lays flat on the floor on her face but, alas, she does get back up and starts that bouncing thing again…when the end FINALLY comes…it’s in the form of her ass — covered in GRANNY PANTIES — underneath her shorts, up close.

Terrible Twerker number two looks a little better and definitely wants us all to see her face as she keeps LOOKING BACK AT IT.  She has ONE move, she attempts to make her ass VIBRATE but is mostly unsuccessful, she does this move, both standing upright and also bending over.  Truthfully, all I kept focusing on was her fighting with her SHORTS to keep them down.  At the end, she turns to the front and lifts her shirt to offer us all a bite of her MUFFIN TOP.

I need that Goose NOW!






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